My Journey Through Addiction: Finding Peace and Self-Leadership

Understanding My Path to Recovery

First off, I want to share a little bit about who I am and what I do. I'm Jeremy Hakansson, and I work with people who struggle with addiction. If you’ve explored my website, you’ll see that I have personally navigated addiction throughout different periods of my life. Whether it was food, sex, gambling, religion, or exercise, if there is a process to be addicted to, I’ve likely experienced it.

For a long time, I didn't even realize I was "addicted" because I didn't understand what addiction actually was. How was I supposed to get help for something I didn't know I had? After years of chasing one distraction after another, the weight of it all became too much to avoid. I eventually reached what many call "rock bottom" and finally admitted I needed help.

My First Steps Toward Healing

My first stop was a 12-Step group. I didn’t know much about the steps at the time. I just knew I needed a place where I was understood. For the first time, I could talk openly without being judged. It was an incredible relief to show up week after week to cry, to laugh, and to always leave feeling better than when I arrived. The relationships I built there were sacred to me, and I was finally able to be authentic with other men.

However, over time, I began to feel a heavy expectation to be perfect. I collected my sobriety chips for one day, one month, six months, and a year. But underneath the surface, I could feel the old patterns sliding back in. I tried to manage, deny, and ignore them, but none of those strategies worked. Eventually, the shame of not being "perfect" and the self-imposed pressure to keep that streak alive caused me to retreat from the group. I knew I had to find another way.

Discovering Internal Family Systems

That other way was Internal Family Systems (IFS). Understanding myself through the lens of IFS changed everything. I stopped seeing myself as having a "diseased brain" and started seeing my addiction as a strategy used by different parts of my system to cope with underlying pain I hadn't dealt with growing up.

In IFS terms, I realized I had one part trying to prove I was "good enough" in 12-Step circles by suppressing my urges. When that strategy inevitably failed, another part would step in and use food or my phone as a source of comfort to distract me from the pain. Now that I understand these parts, I have more distance from the urges, which gives me the power of choice.

The Ongoing Journey

Am I fully cured? No. I still have moments of struggle with food, gambling, or other processes. But I feel a profound sense of accomplishment in the direction I’m going. I started this journey over nine years ago, and every layer I peel back is another step toward harmony and healing in my inner world.

Embracing the Process

It's essential to embrace the process of recovery. Each day is a new opportunity to learn more about myself. I’ve come to understand that recovery isn’t just about abstaining from certain behaviors. It’s about nurturing my inner self and addressing the root causes of my struggles.

Building a Supportive Community

Connecting with others who share similar experiences has been invaluable. The relationships I’ve built in recovery have provided me with support and understanding. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in this journey. If you’re seeking connection, I encourage you to reach out and find your community.

Finding Peace and Equanimity

My hope is to help others move in this same direction. It is a path that isn't defined by a constant battle against desires, but by a move toward peace and equanimity. If any of this resonates with you, please feel free to reach out via my website contact form.

The Path Forward

As I continue to navigate my journey, I remind myself that healing is not linear. There will be ups and downs, but each experience contributes to my growth. I encourage you to be gentle with yourself. Recovery is a personal journey, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time.

Conclusion

In closing, I want to emphasize that you are not alone. Many of us have faced similar struggles, and it’s possible to find a way through. By understanding ourselves better and seeking support, we can achieve lasting peace and self-leadership. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help. Together, we can create a compassionate approach to personal growth and recovery.